Depression

I'm falling into depression agian, and it pisses me off.  I don't want to be depressed, but I can't take anti-depressants because it interferes with my other medicines, and I can't afford therapy.  I don't know why I'm falling again, which makes it hard to tell her and help her understand why I'm so down all the time. 

I mean, it could have something to do with the fact that I do everything I can to make her happy, yet when it comes to being romantic/intimate, she wants nothing to do with me.  This just makes me feel unloved/unwanted/fat and ugly.  I feel like, no matter what I do, it will never be enough.

But then there is the non-depressed/sane/logical side of me that knows that she loves me, that she does want me in her life, and that I'm not fat and ugly (or at least not the fat part).  Sadly, that part of me gets drowned out, a lot.

I guess another thing could be the fact that I don't really have time for fun or recreational activities this semester, I'm basically going from 9am til 10pm every single day, and then I still have homework to do on top of all that.  And on top of all that, even if I could have a social life, its not like I have any friends in the area.

Work is being a bitch as well, I'm getting my hours cut horribly, as is everyone else I work with, making it so that twice a week, I'm the only person closing for the sales floor, which makes it impossible to get any work done.

I just need a few weeks away from it all.  Sadly, It probably wont happen.