Confusion

So, things are kinda going crazy right now. I need to take some time off to figure things out, but the only way to do that is to cut myself off from my friends, and I can't do that. I have a lot of work to get done, plus I need to figure some other stuff out. This is going to be an interesting week, to say the least...

Mix and Match

My life just keeps getting more and more confusing. I'm getting mixed signals from a couple different people about their feelings for me, and its driving me nuts. I wouldn't mind being with either of these girls, but with the mixed feelings im getting from them, I'm not sure if its going to happen or not...

Add to this the workload I have right now for my classes, and I'm overwhelmed. Its times like these I really wish I had someone to snuggle up to and hold in my arms and just relax with at the end of the day. But I know that wont happen again for a long, long time.

Found out the Angel is coming back from her extended leave of absence over Christmas break, which will be interesting... there is a part of me that hopes she comes back, but another part that hopes she doesn't. In all honesty, I'm not sure what I want anymore out of anything in my life.

Fire in your Eyes...

Ever lock eyes with a person and feel like you know them better than you ever did before? Ever look into someones eyes and feel a connection? When this happens, I have found that its best to not let this person out of your life, because they will be the one that is always there for you.

There are a couple people here on campus who I have met their gaze, and felt something click, so to speak. I got to know them and they are amazing people, and both of them are girls. The sad thing is, one of them is taken, the other one, well, I'm not really her type I suppose.

A bolt of inspiration hit me the other day to write a poem, here is the first part of it:

Your smile makes me happy
Your gaze makes me shiver
Your touch makes me joyous
Your laugh makes me warm.


There's an air about you,
It's kinda hard to explain
but our chats make me understand
the meaning of of our friendship.

This is what I've learned:
Love will get you burned
Friendship heals all wounds
Hope is a fickle thing
meant only for the hopeless.


Let me know what you think?

Thoughts

Im concerned about a couple of my friends... they need to be careful of their choices or they will end up in a world of hurt. im not going to say anything though, cuz i know for a fact that they wont believe me.

anywho, after 3.5 hours of diligent work on my art project, i have about another 45 mins or so of work left to get done on them. it should be a realatively easy job.

hell week is fast approaching, and i have two different projects due that week. I have my project for mass comm (i still need to decide what exactly Im going to do...) and then my writing portfolio for comp. this is going to be fun!

Those Things That Drive Us Nuts

Your smile, your laugh, that little twinkle in your eyes when yours and mine meet.
The blush you get when we interact, the love I feel emanating from you when we hold each other close.
The way your pulse quickens when we embrace, and your breathing gets heavier as we kiss.

Some men are lucky enough to experience these feelings. I used to be. Recent developments have led me to decide to pull back, and just be "That Guy" (see my older post)

I used to be able to those things for you, but now all I can do is sit and wait. Sit, wait, and pray. Pray that one day, I will be able to do those things for you again. I wish nothing but happiness on anyone involved in a relationship, I just hope that someday soon, I will be rejoining the ranks of the "happily taken". Until then, I bid you farewell (for now).

Love or Lie?

Why is it that when we love someone, we are willing to do anything for them, give anything for them, even get anything for them, but they aren't willing to open their eyes and realize that what we are doing is exactly because we love them, and not because we just want to sleep with them?

True love is actually something more.

Very few people realize what True Love actually is. Dictionary.com defines true love as "a sweetheart; a truly loving or loved person." Well, this is true, but it also has a much deeper meaning. When you truly love a person, something just clicks when you meet. It just feels right and perfect in every sense of the word. Nothing can ruin your relationship, nothing can make either of you sad when you are together. You rarely, if ever, get into fights over anything major, and you trust each other completely. True love is when you love someone so much you would do anything for them. Whether it be loving them more than anything else, or making way for some other guy or girl. If you truly love someone, you would be willing to sacrifice your own happiness for theirs. A love like this is almost impossible to find, but when you do, you will know immediately, and you will hate every moment you are not together.

That's what true love really is.

so why is it that when presented with someone who is obviously right for them, most people stick them in the "friend zone"? its because we are scared of commitment. some people like to just screw around with things that they shouldn't be. others like to remain as distant as possible. one thing I know for sure is this: true love, no matter what, is always, 100% of the time, worth fighting for. even if this means that you have to give up and retreat for a while to allow yourself to recuperate and to allow your counterpart to explore the terrain, if you just take a step back and continue to be there for them, then your counterpart will eventually make their way back to you.



this post is dedicated to the four or so people I care about most at this point in my life, outside of my immediate family. you know who you are.

Thought for the night

when night time falls, we are at our most vulnerable. we drop our guard, leaving our true selves to bare, open for all to see. what do others see in you? a fighter? a lover? a scholar? whatever it is, is it really something you want others to know?

...and another thing

So, I was just thinking and realized, it has been over 2 years, and its not going to change till Christmas, and even then, things wont be how I wish they would be. why am I always the one that gets screwed over, and not in a good way?

That Guy

It seems to me that I am always "that guy." you know, the guy that everyone comes to with their problems. the guy that everyone uses as an emotional punching bag. the guy that all the girls love to be friends with but nothing more. the guy that all the girls say is their perfect guy, but they dont want to date him because he is "too nice."

Well, here is what i have to say to that: if you are a girl that does any of that stuff to a guy, get your head out of your twat and smell the roses. the guy you are looking for could be right in front of you. open your eyes and maybe you will see the fact that he is that guy who is always going out of his way to help you, when your current boyfriend doesnt.

Just think about it for a moment. if you were to pause and let the guy have a chance, just get close to him, get to know him. who knows, maybe you will have a new best friend or something more.

I have decided that unless its obvious to me that a girl wants to be more than just friends, and isnt just in need of my counseling, i am going to avoid getting emotionally involved. just a little heads up.

old friends found

so today i started talking to one of my old friends who i lost contact with for 3 years or so, and we have been catching up since. he hasn't changed much, but talking with him has definately made my day better.

today was the 5th of November, so as is my tradition, I had to watch V for Vendetta, and one quote really stuck out for me, "This country needs more than a building right now... it needs hope." I find this particularly powerful, as that is what the US needs right now. Hope. without hope, we are nothing, yet it is so easy to build up, yet its more easy to destroy. why is this? i think it is because humans as a species want to believe in the good of things, but with all i have been through, its hard for me to find the bright side of a lot of things, meaning that I dont allow myself to build up my hope for anything. i just let what happens happen, and if its good great, if not, thats good to.

not sure if that is really a coherent thought or not, but im not all that coherent myself right now

Life, Love, and the persuit of Happiness.

over the past couple of days, I have been on an emotional roller coaster, so to speak. after a lot of meditation and sleep, I'm now better, but still concerned, but I think that that will never go away. (Life is a bitch)

I'm going to be more careful about who I let myself fall in love with, as I always seem to get hurt a lot, though the most recent one is completely unintentional as far as hurting me goes, I have to watch it more and not let people use me. (Love is a mystery)

In my efforts to be happy I have discovered something. Good friends can make anything and everything better. When I am with people I care about I am more happy than anything else at the moment, so to those of you who are my close friends [you know who you are] I would like to say thank you for being my friends. (Happiness is a challenge)