The first part of this blog comes from one of my Ninja friends Nick The shadowNINJA Ryan. He's a cool guy, check him out: http://shadowexist.blogspot.com/2010/09/relapse.html#comment-form
Relapse
Baby, I love you so
But darling, I've got to let you know
That I'm gonna
Relapse
Fall back on my past, spin outta control
Watch it all blow up in my face, yes
I'm falling through space, and no
Don't let me meet you here again
I've done it once, I'll do it twice
You gotta know that I'm not that nice
I hear her calling me
I'm still not that free, yet
So I'm gonna
Relapse
Fall back on my past, spin outta control
Watch it all blow up in my face, yes
I'm falling throught space, and no
Don't let me meet you here again
We know who wants it
We know who's got it
We know now, that's what I'm gonna do
Relapse
This next part is written by yours truely, and I'll admit its not as elegant as Nicks, but imo, its wonderful.
Relax
Sit back, let the good times roll
everybody get ready, come on lets go
Throw the dice, watch them spin
We're livin' in a world of sin.
A world of prejudice and hate
where everyone just violates and rapes.
Rapes the system, the economy
sometimes even you and me...
Just sit back, relax.
Just sit back.
Life isn't always what we want it to be
but we can make it work if we just try to see...
See the good in others,
the good in trying.
The world is dying,
what are we gonna do?
Our fate lies in the hands of a chosen few.
the few who step up to the plate
take the bull by the horns
get pricked by the thorns.
But for now lets all just...
Sit back and relax,
enjoy life as we make it
maybe one day we will take it
to the extreme, come out on top.
but who knows, maybe we'll all just flop.
Just sit back, relax.
Just sit back.
Just.
sit.
back.
Looking back on it now, a few weeks after writing it, it didnt turn out how i wanted it to, but hey, live and learn.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
A few thoughts about school
Ok, so I was walking to the Student Center of IWCC today, and noticed something: the student body here is not very friendly.
Now I'm not saying that they are rude or anything, but coming from Grand View where everyone knew everyone at least by face and most people said Hi to one another in passing, to a place where everyone keeps their heads down while walking... its a shocking difference.
Also, the Student Center itsself is weird. Its designed how GV's is going to be, but no one actually congregates here. its alarmingly quiet. Add to the fact that my friends and I at GV contributed to 90% of the noise, that may be why, but still. I miss it.
If you have been reading my status updates on FB, you will know that I miss Stacks and Jensen as well. The pasta and Pizza of Jensen, the Subway-esque sandwiches and soups of Stacks... my mouth is watering just thinking of them. The food here is rather bland in compairison. Its all tasty, but not nearly as much so.
also, there are a lot of ppl that remind me of ppl at GV. a straight but ass-holeish Randy, a fat Zach, a short Jes, et cetera.
the last, and possibly most disturbing difference, is how uncomfortable the vibe of this place is. there are a few areas that just feel like there is hatred incarnate abounding in it. now a few of you will know what I'm getting at with this, but a few of you wont, and I'm going to leave it like that.
all in all, I like my new school, but I still miss GV a lot.
Now I'm not saying that they are rude or anything, but coming from Grand View where everyone knew everyone at least by face and most people said Hi to one another in passing, to a place where everyone keeps their heads down while walking... its a shocking difference.
Also, the Student Center itsself is weird. Its designed how GV's is going to be, but no one actually congregates here. its alarmingly quiet. Add to the fact that my friends and I at GV contributed to 90% of the noise, that may be why, but still. I miss it.
If you have been reading my status updates on FB, you will know that I miss Stacks and Jensen as well. The pasta and Pizza of Jensen, the Subway-esque sandwiches and soups of Stacks... my mouth is watering just thinking of them. The food here is rather bland in compairison. Its all tasty, but not nearly as much so.
also, there are a lot of ppl that remind me of ppl at GV. a straight but ass-holeish Randy, a fat Zach, a short Jes, et cetera.
the last, and possibly most disturbing difference, is how uncomfortable the vibe of this place is. there are a few areas that just feel like there is hatred incarnate abounding in it. now a few of you will know what I'm getting at with this, but a few of you wont, and I'm going to leave it like that.
all in all, I like my new school, but I still miss GV a lot.
more thoughts and realizations...
so I was reading a friends blog update last night (keep in mind this is a friend i was once romantically involved with) and she was ranting about how she and her bf broke up (her term was taking a break with the "its not you its me" tagline) and as I read, I got to thinking. This is the person I once had made (minor) plans for a future life with. Ideas for kid's names, kind of pets, climate to settle down in. Nothing super serious, but still serious.
Well anyway, I kept reading, and as I did it felt like... like my heart was being cut to pieces. I have no idea why it was like this though, we haven't been romantically involved for well over 2 years. As I kept reading I realized why: this guy had hurt her, and bad, and all I wanted to do was to comfort her, but there was no way I could, seeing as how we are on completely different sides of the continent, and that I am in a relationship with someone I love very much. and then it hit me, I'm still madly in love with this other person. Thats why I was so hurt by what she was typing and what little help I could provide.
Further on in her rant (I keep calling it that for lack of a better term) she kept saying how this guy who hurt her is the only guy she has ever felt this way about, the only thing she has ever wanted from a relationship was what he was giving her, that she couldn't stop the tears from flowing. To the extent of my knowledge, the only time I've ever made her cry was on our last night together, where I whispered the words "be strong, I will always be here for you. if we are meant to be together, we will be again." (or something like that, its been so long since I thought about that night I cant remember for sure, though I'm sure she does)
Just reading her rant made me realize that... there was no way we could ever be together again. she is 100% devoted to this guy, even after he broke her heart. that is true love, and I can't ever hope to compete with that. It was at this point that I finally decided that she was lost to me forever. I'm stuck in the dreaded "friend zone." Of course, this isnt that big of a deal because of my gf, but still, it hurts.
There is a saying "I'd rather be your everything than your friend, but I'd rather be your friend than your nothing." I have a feeling this saying is going to play a big part in my life in the coming days, weeks and months...
Well anyway, I kept reading, and as I did it felt like... like my heart was being cut to pieces. I have no idea why it was like this though, we haven't been romantically involved for well over 2 years. As I kept reading I realized why: this guy had hurt her, and bad, and all I wanted to do was to comfort her, but there was no way I could, seeing as how we are on completely different sides of the continent, and that I am in a relationship with someone I love very much. and then it hit me, I'm still madly in love with this other person. Thats why I was so hurt by what she was typing and what little help I could provide.
Further on in her rant (I keep calling it that for lack of a better term) she kept saying how this guy who hurt her is the only guy she has ever felt this way about, the only thing she has ever wanted from a relationship was what he was giving her, that she couldn't stop the tears from flowing. To the extent of my knowledge, the only time I've ever made her cry was on our last night together, where I whispered the words "be strong, I will always be here for you. if we are meant to be together, we will be again." (or something like that, its been so long since I thought about that night I cant remember for sure, though I'm sure she does)
Just reading her rant made me realize that... there was no way we could ever be together again. she is 100% devoted to this guy, even after he broke her heart. that is true love, and I can't ever hope to compete with that. It was at this point that I finally decided that she was lost to me forever. I'm stuck in the dreaded "friend zone." Of course, this isnt that big of a deal because of my gf, but still, it hurts.
There is a saying "I'd rather be your everything than your friend, but I'd rather be your friend than your nothing." I have a feeling this saying is going to play a big part in my life in the coming days, weeks and months...
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Realizations
Lets face it folks, there is always someone who is going to be better than you at something. No matter the hand you are dealt, someone will always have a better one. Using myself as an example: I may be attractive, but there are others who are more so. I may be smart and witty, but I'm not the smartest or wittiest.
on another note, no matter how good you are to your significant other, how good you treat them, what you do for them etc, there will always be that ONE person who they want more than you. Again, using me as an example, I treat my gf like a princess, but when her ex comes into the picture, I cease to exist. The one person for me who is my ONE person is actually losing her hold on me, and I feel that my hold on her was gone a year and a half ago.
I guess my point here is this: we are never the best at anything, and we are never number one for anyone other than our first number one.
on another note, no matter how good you are to your significant other, how good you treat them, what you do for them etc, there will always be that ONE person who they want more than you. Again, using me as an example, I treat my gf like a princess, but when her ex comes into the picture, I cease to exist. The one person for me who is my ONE person is actually losing her hold on me, and I feel that my hold on her was gone a year and a half ago.
I guess my point here is this: we are never the best at anything, and we are never number one for anyone other than our first number one.
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