The Moon (A story, of sorts)

They were sitting there, laughing and joking, having fun like they usually did on nights like this. Three friends, enjoying each other's company and the warmth and companionship they shared between them.

She got up to go get a coat, because as the sun went down further, it got even colder, the cool grip of autumn sinking its fingers into her skin. The older one walks to his car, saying he'll be back, he's going to get some hot drinks from down the road. The remaining one sits in their spot, keeping it warm.

She comes back with a coat and a blanket, finds one friend still there. They sit together for a while, talking quietly wrapped up in the blanket. He kisses her head, and whispers in her ear, she giggles then looks to the sky.

She notices the full moon's light, and stares transfixed. He asks her whats wrong, and she just stares, oblivious to the world around her. The friend returns, and finds her staring, and him pleading. At the sight of their friend, the young man rises and walks over to the car.

He grabs a hot drink for himself, and takes out his camera. Taking a sip, he walks around behind her, and lowers himself to below her level. Clicking the shutter, he snaps a one-of-a-kind picture.

The sound of the shutter brings her back to reality, the photographer brings her a drink. She sips from it and wraps herself back up, saying that the moon is beautiful tonight. The friend says his good nights and gets back in his car, heading for home, leaving the two to talk.

He leans in close, puts his arms around her and smiles. He whispers in her ears "The moon may be beautiful, the moon may be bright, but it pales in comparison to you."

Did you ever wonder?

I've been reflecting a lot the past few weeks.

Reflecting on times past, people who used to be part of my life, people who still are, some decisions I've made, and some of my most cherished memories.

In the past, I was the person everyone went to for advice. I was the person who was the "go to guy" when my friends had had a rough day. Now,I'm just another fuckin sheep in the herd. I blend in to most crowds, and not even the people who are my friends can easily pick me out, people never come to me for help or advice. I can't help but wonder what prompted this.

This brings me to my next pondering, what have I done to cause people I once held dear to drift away? Granted, some of it is just the natural flow of life, but there are a few people who I thought would always be there, One of them we'll call George, and the others we'll call "the guys". George and I were like brothers, virtually inseparable. Then I moved away and kept talking to him and such, but after a while, he just kind of stopped responding. I've given up on him, but part of me still hopes he responds sometime...
as for the guys, they were my primary group of friends, even though they treated me less than what I would have liked. They seldom included me in their "Reindeer Games" so to speak, but there were a couple of them who always felt bad about it and tried to change the rest of the groups opinion. They have stopped talking to me as well. They have become so obsessed with themselves that its disgusting.

There are many more people I could talk about ditching me, but I'm not going to waste my time on them, for the sheer fact that I dont really give a flying fuck anymore.

I've started communicating with a few of my friends from my old College recently, and one of the conversations prompted me to write this. I miss walking through the graveyard, watching the creepy and funny movies we used to watch, and just making everyone around us think "WTF are those two doing?" this friend may have hurt me badly in the past, but we've talked about it and thats all in the past now.

I'm not going to say that I always make the right choices in life, because sometimes I wonder if leaving my family for my girlfriend was the right one. it took me away from my friends who really do care about me, as well as my family (my family that didn't raise me anyway)

I dont know, but life is so much more difficult now... now that I've entered the real world.

Deep and thought provoking.... or maybe not.

I've been reflecting a lot the past few weeks.

Reflecting on times past, people who used to be part of my life, people who still are, some decisions I've made, and some of my most cherished memories.

In the past, I was the person everyone went to for advice. I was the person who was the "go to guy" when my friends had had a rough day. Now, I'm just another fuckin sheep in the herd. I blend in to most crowds, and not even the people who are my friends can easily pick me out, people never come to me for help or advice. I can't help but wonder what prompted this.

This brings me to my next pondering, what have I done to cause people I once held dear to drift away? Granted, some of it is just the natural flow of life, but there are a few people who I thought would always be there, One of them we'll call George, and the others we'll call "the guys". George and I were like brothers, virtually inseparable. Then I moved away and kept talking to him and such, but after a while, he just kind of stopped responding. I've given up on him, but part of me still hopes he responds sometime...
as for the guys, they were my primary group of friends, even though they treated me less than what I would have liked. They seldom included me in their "Reindeer Games" so to speak, but there were a couple of them who always felt bad about it and tried to change the rest of the groups opinion. They have stopped talking to me as well. They have become so obsessed with themselves that its disgusting.

Then there is Z.  My brother from Grand View.  He's become so wrapped up in his girlfriend's life, he doesn't have time for anyone else anymore, and its sickening.

There are many more people I could talk about ditching me, but I'm not going to waste my time on them, for the sheer fact that I dont really give a flying fuck anymore.

I've started communicating with a few of my friends from my old College recently, and one of the conversations prompted me to write this. I miss walking through the graveyard, watching the creepy and funny movies we used to watch, and just making everyone around us think "WTF are those two doing?" this friend may have hurt me badly in the past, but we've talked about it and thats all in the past now.

There are some things in life you can't change, who you love is one of them.  When you love someone, and I mean truly love them, nothing will ever make you stop loving them.  There are two women whom I love very much, and have from the moment I met them, and there is another who I've loved for only a short time, compared to the others.  I hope they never leave my life, but sadly, one of them is drifting away, slowly but surely.  Maybe it just wasn't meant to be... Maybe we weren't actually meant to be life-long friends.  I don't know, but what I do know is that I still care for her, even if she doesn't want me to.

The Nymph and the Angel

There was once two friends
inseperable, they were called.
One was a Nymph, the other, an Angel of the night.

The Angel had hurt the Nymph, and she had hurt the Angel
they became distant, no longer close.

One day they decided to change that.

The Nymph said "I'm sorry"
The Angel did too.
They began forging their friendship anew.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My friend the nymph and I have been talking a lot lately, trying to figure out how our friendship went wrong, and just remembering what we had. Its made me reminiscent.

We've come to terms with what we did wrong, how we messed up.  We've put it behind us, and begun forging a new friendship.  We are both dealing with a lot of hardships in our personal lives, be it issues with our respective significant others, our friends (sometimes lack thereof) and financially, but we are helping each other get through it, slowly but surely.

There are few people left in my life that I would dare to call a True Friend, but this person is definitely one of them.

Answers

Do you ever look back on the moments we shared?
Yes, more than I should, seeing as how we are both in good relationships. But the moments that I remember the most are all the good ones. Our first meeting.. our walks through the streets in the night holding hands and just talking... our times at the park and graveyard... just all the little things that made everyone think we were an item, when we were just really close friends.

The feelings that passed between us as we sat watching movies or chatting late into the night?
Feelings like that are hard... almost impossible to forget. I let you get closer to me than I've ever let anyone else, save one. Not even Z and S were, or even are, as close to me as you once were. My dear lady isn't even as close as I let you get, and it saddens me that we are no longer that close.

Do you ever go back and read the things we said, both harmful and healing?
Occasionally. Most of what we wrote is honestly lost in the void, or was lost when my last computer died. Most of the truly meaningful stuff is locked away in my memories though.

Do you ever wish that there were words you could say or unsay?
I wish I could unsay what originally caused us to cease talking for so long. There are a few things I wish I could have said that I didn't, and now cant.

Things you could do or undo?
Yes.

Do you ever sit and wonder what things would be like between us today if things had gone differently?
Every single day. There are so many "ifs" that I can't help but wonder... what could have been?

If we'd listened to one another and tried to make things right, instead of building up our defensive, angry walls?
If we wouldn't have built the walls, we would have kept talking. If we hadn't built walls, we would have been angry with each other all the time. If we had tried to make things right, they would have gone south a lot quicker, knowing how we both were at that point in our lives.

Do you still think of me, like I think of you, oh Night Angel? Do you? It depends on how you still think of me, my sweet little nymph.

Wondering

sometimes you just have to wonder... whats the point of it all?
Everyone is a dick, but why?
Everyone is self-centered, why?
Everyone is self-serving, why?
Why is it that people feel the need to be rude and inconsiderate, or always be in a hurry?
Why cant they just take it slow and smell the roses, enjoy life?

It's because our society, as a whole, is a self-serving cesspool of filthy degenerates, with a few clean ponds. Our society has preached that to be happy you have to be a self-centered, self-serving ass to everyone but yourself. The family values of the past are history, making way for the greed, violence and anger of our present day.

What would it take to get back to the "good" old days?
It would take a massive overhaul of our so called "Elite" pay cuts to those in governmental positions, or CEO's of big companies. Take more money in taxes out of the wealthy's pockets and less from the middle class. Treat people like people, not animals. Keeping our jobs local, not shipping them overseas to save a few bucks on production costs. DROP THE PRICE OF GAS TO WHERE IT WAS IN THE '90s! Lowering the cost of overall living and well being.

But thats all a pipe dream. The day a politician decides he/she doesn't need a $50000 raise is the day we stop being the USA, and that is a very depressing thought.

Letting Go

sometimes, you just have to let go. Thats something that I learned a long time ago. But sometimes, its not that easy.

Take for example, my friend who's boyfriend cheated on her. they broke up, and two years later are now best of friends again, despite her family and friends protesting it and saying that its a bad idea. I know her ex, and can honestly say that the only reason he is talking to her is because he wants back in her pants and that he will stop at nothing to get there. Others see it as well, but my friend wont listen to reason. its clear that she still loves him and will not be able to let him go for a very long time, if ever.

I've had to let go of a lot of things these past few months. Number one among them would be past friendships turned south. Friends I once called my best friends, or siblings, now wont talk to me. People I considered good friends removed me from their friend lists on Facebook, and now wont talk to me. A few of my now ex-best friends have even told me the main reason they wont talk to me is because their new friends dont like me or how I talk to our mutual friends. Yeah, go ahead and judge me, even though you have no idea who I am or what I'm like. Seriously, fuck you.

I mean, I have no problem if people dont want to be my friend, but to allow your friends to decide who else can be your friend? That's just wrong. But, with the writing of this post, I'm letting it all go. It's not good to have so much anger and frustration built up. I'm letting go, and saying "Fuck you" to the world and all the people who deem fit to judge without prior knowledge of the person they are judging.

One thing I'm not sure I'll be able to let go of, however, is the feeling of loneliness and depression that is setting in, reminiscent of my Jr and Sr years of High School, when I only had one or two friends who actually cared. Only thing is, now I dont have any.