http://mentallyincontinent.com/article742.html
http://joethepeacock.blogspot.com/2012/02/why-rick-santorum-scares-absolute-shit.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogger%2FxBUC+%28The+Journal+of+Joe+The+Peacock.+Yay.%29
those two links are by the same guy, Joe Peacock. They both talk about why today's religious folks fanaticism is highly disturbing. I simply invite you to read and think about what is said.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Depression
I'm falling into depression agian, and it pisses me off. I don't want to be depressed, but I can't take anti-depressants because it interferes with my other medicines, and I can't afford therapy. I don't know why I'm falling again, which makes it hard to tell her and help her understand why I'm so down all the time.
I mean, it could have something to do with the fact that I do everything I can to make her happy, yet when it comes to being romantic/intimate, she wants nothing to do with me. This just makes me feel unloved/unwanted/fat and ugly. I feel like, no matter what I do, it will never be enough.
But then there is the non-depressed/sane/logical side of me that knows that she loves me, that she does want me in her life, and that I'm not fat and ugly (or at least not the fat part). Sadly, that part of me gets drowned out, a lot.
I guess another thing could be the fact that I don't really have time for fun or recreational activities this semester, I'm basically going from 9am til 10pm every single day, and then I still have homework to do on top of all that. And on top of all that, even if I could have a social life, its not like I have any friends in the area.
Work is being a bitch as well, I'm getting my hours cut horribly, as is everyone else I work with, making it so that twice a week, I'm the only person closing for the sales floor, which makes it impossible to get any work done.
I just need a few weeks away from it all. Sadly, It probably wont happen.
I mean, it could have something to do with the fact that I do everything I can to make her happy, yet when it comes to being romantic/intimate, she wants nothing to do with me. This just makes me feel unloved/unwanted/fat and ugly. I feel like, no matter what I do, it will never be enough.
But then there is the non-depressed/sane/logical side of me that knows that she loves me, that she does want me in her life, and that I'm not fat and ugly (or at least not the fat part). Sadly, that part of me gets drowned out, a lot.
I guess another thing could be the fact that I don't really have time for fun or recreational activities this semester, I'm basically going from 9am til 10pm every single day, and then I still have homework to do on top of all that. And on top of all that, even if I could have a social life, its not like I have any friends in the area.
Work is being a bitch as well, I'm getting my hours cut horribly, as is everyone else I work with, making it so that twice a week, I'm the only person closing for the sales floor, which makes it impossible to get any work done.
I just need a few weeks away from it all. Sadly, It probably wont happen.
Lent
Lent is a time where people often give something up, whether they are religious or not. Its usually something like meat, or pop, or smoking, something trivial like that. The claim is that it will make them a "better person" and/or "bring them closer to God".
Well, here's the thing. Giving something up for Lent represents Christ's 40 days in the wilderness being tempted by Satan. The sacrifice we make represents the temptation, the temptation to do something we shouldn't.
This year, as I've done every year for the past 5 years or so, I'm giving up religion. My reasoning for this is as such: Christianity is full of crazy ass nut jobs who believe that their religion is the only "true" religion. If this is true, then why is it that Jesus was a Jew, and that the Jew's are God's "chosen people?" Its because a long time ago someone decided to say "Stupid Jews, that man really was the savior, so we are going to worship him."
Now, don't get me wrong, Christianity isnt the only religion to have crazy ass nut jobs, every religion has them. Its just that, being from America, Christianity is the most prominent religion, so its the one that I bash on the most.
If you want to be a true Christian this year, don't give up meat, or sex, or drugs, or anything material at all. Give up your religion, and see the world through the eyes of an Atheist or Agnostic. They, no, we see the world how it really is, a corrupt planet run by false idols and fat lazy kings, just as it has been since the beginning of history. If we really want to make this world better, we must forgo the Church and realize that the only TRUE way into heaven (if it even really exists) is to love everyone unconditionally, be they Jew, Muslim, Black, White, Asian, Gay, Straight, Transgender, whatever. Only then can we truly know what peace on Earth and true happiness are.
Well, here's the thing. Giving something up for Lent represents Christ's 40 days in the wilderness being tempted by Satan. The sacrifice we make represents the temptation, the temptation to do something we shouldn't.
This year, as I've done every year for the past 5 years or so, I'm giving up religion. My reasoning for this is as such: Christianity is full of crazy ass nut jobs who believe that their religion is the only "true" religion. If this is true, then why is it that Jesus was a Jew, and that the Jew's are God's "chosen people?" Its because a long time ago someone decided to say "Stupid Jews, that man really was the savior, so we are going to worship him."
Now, don't get me wrong, Christianity isnt the only religion to have crazy ass nut jobs, every religion has them. Its just that, being from America, Christianity is the most prominent religion, so its the one that I bash on the most.
If you want to be a true Christian this year, don't give up meat, or sex, or drugs, or anything material at all. Give up your religion, and see the world through the eyes of an Atheist or Agnostic. They, no, we see the world how it really is, a corrupt planet run by false idols and fat lazy kings, just as it has been since the beginning of history. If we really want to make this world better, we must forgo the Church and realize that the only TRUE way into heaven (if it even really exists) is to love everyone unconditionally, be they Jew, Muslim, Black, White, Asian, Gay, Straight, Transgender, whatever. Only then can we truly know what peace on Earth and true happiness are.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Why I hate the holidays
During the holidays, one would think people would be nicer and more polite. This is far from the truth, the season turns people into ass holes. People stop showing respect for others, thinking only of themselves and their need to feel superior.
Another thing I hate is how things always go bad for me during the holidays. My car died, girlfriends car died, one of my good friends tried to kill himself, another friends grandpa died, work started screwing me over majorly. The list goes on.
I'm looking forward to the new year, it's a chance for me to actually make a difference in my life as well as others lives.
Another thing I hate is how things always go bad for me during the holidays. My car died, girlfriends car died, one of my good friends tried to kill himself, another friends grandpa died, work started screwing me over majorly. The list goes on.
I'm looking forward to the new year, it's a chance for me to actually make a difference in my life as well as others lives.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Christmas weekend update
ok, so if you follow me on facebook you know that this weekend was hell. I went to my parents house for the first time in two years, and by the time I left, I was stressed out and depressed to the point I couldn't see straight.
That place, while my hometown, holds no love for me. All my friends that were there want nothing to do with me, the places I frequented are gone, there are too many bad memories of that place, I really dont want to go back there ever again.
Add to that that I took my girlfriend with me to meet the extended family, and they all loved her, but my parents were non-stop judging me and comparing her to one of my old girlfriends (or maybe all of them, idk) and I was about ready to punch someone by the time I left.
To calm down, we stopped in Iowa City to do some shopping, spend some of our Christmas money. I got some new clothes from Old Navy but thats about it. We also stopped at one of my favorite fast food joints in the world, that only exists on the eastern side of the state, Steak 'n' Shake. These things together lightened my mood.
About an hour from home though things took a turn for the worst. We ran over a deer in our new car. From what I could tell, a semi decapitated it, and the body flew into our lane, and the cars ahead of us slowed down and got over before they hit it, well, the car that was in front of us was practically on top of it before they got over, and we were right behind them, so we ran it over, not having enough time to get out of the way. Thankfully it only knocked loose a skid plate, but that was still enough for us to have to call her dad to come help us fix it, as neither of us could reach it to fix it, nor did we have a jack to hoist the car up. We had to wait an hour for him to get there, but once he did we were on our way again and all was fine the rest of the night.
I probably wont feel comfortable being on the road at night again for a looong time.
That place, while my hometown, holds no love for me. All my friends that were there want nothing to do with me, the places I frequented are gone, there are too many bad memories of that place, I really dont want to go back there ever again.
Add to that that I took my girlfriend with me to meet the extended family, and they all loved her, but my parents were non-stop judging me and comparing her to one of my old girlfriends (or maybe all of them, idk) and I was about ready to punch someone by the time I left.
To calm down, we stopped in Iowa City to do some shopping, spend some of our Christmas money. I got some new clothes from Old Navy but thats about it. We also stopped at one of my favorite fast food joints in the world, that only exists on the eastern side of the state, Steak 'n' Shake. These things together lightened my mood.
About an hour from home though things took a turn for the worst. We ran over a deer in our new car. From what I could tell, a semi decapitated it, and the body flew into our lane, and the cars ahead of us slowed down and got over before they hit it, well, the car that was in front of us was practically on top of it before they got over, and we were right behind them, so we ran it over, not having enough time to get out of the way. Thankfully it only knocked loose a skid plate, but that was still enough for us to have to call her dad to come help us fix it, as neither of us could reach it to fix it, nor did we have a jack to hoist the car up. We had to wait an hour for him to get there, but once he did we were on our way again and all was fine the rest of the night.
I probably wont feel comfortable being on the road at night again for a looong time.
Memories
I found a few of your letters this weekend, as well as a song you composed, inspired by your feelings for me.
Reading through these notes brought a tear to my eye and a pain to my heart.
I miss what we had.
It may not be the actual physicality that we had, but the emotional and spiritual connection that is what I miss.
We both have changed so much since those letters were written.
Been through heartbreaks and stresses, trials and terrors.
We may not talk anymore, you may not consider me as close a friend as you once did, but reading those notes made me wish that, if even for a moment, I could travel back to that time when I knew there was someone who cared about me no matter what I did, and that there would be someone there for me, even if I didn't need them. I miss the fact that we used to be able to know exactly what the other was thinking, able to finish sentences, and answer questions for the other.
At first I considered you a friend, then a sister, then a lover. The past few years its been degrading back down, and I fear that our relationship is no longer even the friend stage... I don't know if there is any of the you I knew and loved left or not. I know that there probably isn't much of the old me left.
I miss you my dear friend, I really, truly do.
Reading through these notes brought a tear to my eye and a pain to my heart.
I miss what we had.
It may not be the actual physicality that we had, but the emotional and spiritual connection that is what I miss.
We both have changed so much since those letters were written.
Been through heartbreaks and stresses, trials and terrors.
We may not talk anymore, you may not consider me as close a friend as you once did, but reading those notes made me wish that, if even for a moment, I could travel back to that time when I knew there was someone who cared about me no matter what I did, and that there would be someone there for me, even if I didn't need them. I miss the fact that we used to be able to know exactly what the other was thinking, able to finish sentences, and answer questions for the other.
At first I considered you a friend, then a sister, then a lover. The past few years its been degrading back down, and I fear that our relationship is no longer even the friend stage... I don't know if there is any of the you I knew and loved left or not. I know that there probably isn't much of the old me left.
I miss you my dear friend, I really, truly do.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Depressing post is depressing.
Over the past week or so, my life has been turning to hell. On Monday, my car took a shit (the transmission broke, repair was more than the car was worth) and on Tuesday I almost broke a little girl with Osteogenisis Imperfecta (Brittle bone syndrome) when I tripped walking out of class. Wednesday was mostly spent at work thinking of past loves while scrubbing the shit (figuratively speaking) out of the cooler I work in. That was somewhat... cleansing I suppose you could say. Got rid of a few of the things that were haunting my mind about those relationships. Thursday was me sitting at home drinking, eating, and playing my Xbox all day. Today, I learned that my once best friend, whom I now consider more a close acquaintance, got dumped, in a rather cruel way, but I wont get into that here. Then I had to go to work, and I found out that my bank is screwing me out of my money, and that the cheapest car I can get financed for is about $10,000. Way more than I wanted to spend. The car is friggin sweet though.
Just a few minutes ago, I was browsing my Facebook news feed, and saw a picture of one of my ex-girlfriends. I studied it for a moment thinking. Yeah, she's attractive, yeah I still have feelings for her, but you know what? Fuck it. Fuck. It. All.
My past is something I've been trying to forget (in some aspects) or relive in others for too long. I looked at her picture and saw a girl, whom I once loved more than anyone else in the world, and I got a little sick. Sick because I know that while I would STILL do anything for her, just to see her happy, I know that she could give a rat's ass less about me. YEAH, FUCK YOU TOO BITCH!
Yesterday, I received some really depressing news. One of my good friends tried to hang himself in his bedroom, and if it hadn't been for his sister walking in on him kicking the chair, he would probably have succeeded. He is being taken for counseling, his mom say's that the reason he tried is because he felt like life was just too full of monotony and that he wasn't going to make a difference to anyone, ever. It doesn't matter who you are, you are always important, and you will ALWAYS make a difference. It may not be noticeable for a few years, or even until you meet the right people, but you will know it when you have made the difference. It may be your life, but your choices don't just effect you.
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