Nostalgia

it sucks when simple little things like a song, or a smell, send you into a wave of nostalgia of times past. times when you were happier, or with friends, or something of the sort.

lately its been happening a lot to me. various songs I associate with different people, different scents I've connected with something that happened a few years ago, tastes that belong to a fond memory.

For example. I heard shinedown's "45" today in the car, and it reminded me of the first time I heard it, hanging out with Nymph (wow... I haven't used that name in forever). I believe we were either in her dorm room watching tv or driving to the graveyard, not sure which. but that was a time when I was actually happy. I had plenty of friends, I loved my classes, I loved my town. I don't have any of that now.

which brings me to another point. Home. Home is often said to be where the heart is... well, if thats true, then my home isn't where I'm at now. Don't get me wrong, I like it here, but its not my home. I don't feel like I actually belong here. I don't feel like I belong in my hometown either. Everyone there has kind of written me off as non-existent nowadays. No, my home is in Des Moines, with my friends, the classes and teachers I enjoyed having, where I wasn't tempted to skip class every day like I am here.

If I could go back to Des Moines and write this past year and a half off, I would. But its just not possible.

One last thought. I realized that, for the above reason of where I'm at now not feeling like home, if the GF and I ever break up (I pray to God that we don't) I will be up shit creek with out a paddle. I will have no roof over my head, as all the utilities are in her name, and I have no friends here to put me up. I will not go back to dorm life, that portion of my life was mostly hell thanks to my shitty roommate that I had. I just... yeah... I'd be screwed.

Fights

Its amazing how sometimes, the biggest fights can start over the littlest, or even the stupidest things. Its also amazing how sometimes, these fights can drive close friends apart. That happened to me a little over a year ago. I don't even remember what the fight was about, only that it had been building up due to a lot of little things for a while, and when it finally exploded, things were said that shouldn't have been, and people ended up getting hurt badly.

You know whats still more amazing than that? Sometimes, those big fights can bring people closer together.

The friend who I got into the above mentioned fight with and I have made our amends and have been talking a lot lately. God knows I've been needing a friend to just talk to lately. Well, this friend and I are now almost as close as we were before the fight, if not a little closer. Thats how it seems to me anyway.

Now I just need to work on my teleportation spells so I can go see said friend.

Memories

The memories of love

The memories of pain

and all the memories of hatred and deceit.

Nothing stops me from remembering

on these cold, lonely nights

of the times we used to share

in the glowing moonlight.

We would stay up all night

talking the hours away

til the sun started to show

then we would scurry away.

You've been missed, oh friend of mine

I'm so glad we've been reunited at last.

We've shared joys and sorrows

and pains and prides

now nothing can hide

my un-hindered cry.

We've spend late nights just walking the streets

enjoying each others company,

and smiling when eyes meet.

But now we are separated

this friendship we had

crumbled to nothing

and is now gone in the wind.

The nights are no more,

the joy is all gone

I miss you so much,

I just can't go on.

One little message is all I receive

and it puts a smile on this weary face

bright enough to light the darkest space.

I miss you my friend,

I hope to see you soon

And begin making memories again.

The Moon (A story, of sorts)

They were sitting there, laughing and joking, having fun like they usually did on nights like this. Three friends, enjoying each other's company and the warmth and companionship they shared between them.

She got up to go get a coat, because as the sun went down further, it got even colder, the cool grip of autumn sinking its fingers into her skin. The older one walks to his car, saying he'll be back, he's going to get some hot drinks from down the road. The remaining one sits in their spot, keeping it warm.

She comes back with a coat and a blanket, finds one friend still there. They sit together for a while, talking quietly wrapped up in the blanket. He kisses her head, and whispers in her ear, she giggles then looks to the sky.

She notices the full moon's light, and stares transfixed. He asks her whats wrong, and she just stares, oblivious to the world around her. The friend returns, and finds her staring, and him pleading. At the sight of their friend, the young man rises and walks over to the car.

He grabs a hot drink for himself, and takes out his camera. Taking a sip, he walks around behind her, and lowers himself to below her level. Clicking the shutter, he snaps a one-of-a-kind picture.

The sound of the shutter brings her back to reality, the photographer brings her a drink. She sips from it and wraps herself back up, saying that the moon is beautiful tonight. The friend says his good nights and gets back in his car, heading for home, leaving the two to talk.

He leans in close, puts his arms around her and smiles. He whispers in her ears "The moon may be beautiful, the moon may be bright, but it pales in comparison to you."

Did you ever wonder?

I've been reflecting a lot the past few weeks.

Reflecting on times past, people who used to be part of my life, people who still are, some decisions I've made, and some of my most cherished memories.

In the past, I was the person everyone went to for advice. I was the person who was the "go to guy" when my friends had had a rough day. Now,I'm just another fuckin sheep in the herd. I blend in to most crowds, and not even the people who are my friends can easily pick me out, people never come to me for help or advice. I can't help but wonder what prompted this.

This brings me to my next pondering, what have I done to cause people I once held dear to drift away? Granted, some of it is just the natural flow of life, but there are a few people who I thought would always be there, One of them we'll call George, and the others we'll call "the guys". George and I were like brothers, virtually inseparable. Then I moved away and kept talking to him and such, but after a while, he just kind of stopped responding. I've given up on him, but part of me still hopes he responds sometime...
as for the guys, they were my primary group of friends, even though they treated me less than what I would have liked. They seldom included me in their "Reindeer Games" so to speak, but there were a couple of them who always felt bad about it and tried to change the rest of the groups opinion. They have stopped talking to me as well. They have become so obsessed with themselves that its disgusting.

There are many more people I could talk about ditching me, but I'm not going to waste my time on them, for the sheer fact that I dont really give a flying fuck anymore.

I've started communicating with a few of my friends from my old College recently, and one of the conversations prompted me to write this. I miss walking through the graveyard, watching the creepy and funny movies we used to watch, and just making everyone around us think "WTF are those two doing?" this friend may have hurt me badly in the past, but we've talked about it and thats all in the past now.

I'm not going to say that I always make the right choices in life, because sometimes I wonder if leaving my family for my girlfriend was the right one. it took me away from my friends who really do care about me, as well as my family (my family that didn't raise me anyway)

I dont know, but life is so much more difficult now... now that I've entered the real world.

Deep and thought provoking.... or maybe not.

I've been reflecting a lot the past few weeks.

Reflecting on times past, people who used to be part of my life, people who still are, some decisions I've made, and some of my most cherished memories.

In the past, I was the person everyone went to for advice. I was the person who was the "go to guy" when my friends had had a rough day. Now, I'm just another fuckin sheep in the herd. I blend in to most crowds, and not even the people who are my friends can easily pick me out, people never come to me for help or advice. I can't help but wonder what prompted this.

This brings me to my next pondering, what have I done to cause people I once held dear to drift away? Granted, some of it is just the natural flow of life, but there are a few people who I thought would always be there, One of them we'll call George, and the others we'll call "the guys". George and I were like brothers, virtually inseparable. Then I moved away and kept talking to him and such, but after a while, he just kind of stopped responding. I've given up on him, but part of me still hopes he responds sometime...
as for the guys, they were my primary group of friends, even though they treated me less than what I would have liked. They seldom included me in their "Reindeer Games" so to speak, but there were a couple of them who always felt bad about it and tried to change the rest of the groups opinion. They have stopped talking to me as well. They have become so obsessed with themselves that its disgusting.

Then there is Z.  My brother from Grand View.  He's become so wrapped up in his girlfriend's life, he doesn't have time for anyone else anymore, and its sickening.

There are many more people I could talk about ditching me, but I'm not going to waste my time on them, for the sheer fact that I dont really give a flying fuck anymore.

I've started communicating with a few of my friends from my old College recently, and one of the conversations prompted me to write this. I miss walking through the graveyard, watching the creepy and funny movies we used to watch, and just making everyone around us think "WTF are those two doing?" this friend may have hurt me badly in the past, but we've talked about it and thats all in the past now.

There are some things in life you can't change, who you love is one of them.  When you love someone, and I mean truly love them, nothing will ever make you stop loving them.  There are two women whom I love very much, and have from the moment I met them, and there is another who I've loved for only a short time, compared to the others.  I hope they never leave my life, but sadly, one of them is drifting away, slowly but surely.  Maybe it just wasn't meant to be... Maybe we weren't actually meant to be life-long friends.  I don't know, but what I do know is that I still care for her, even if she doesn't want me to.

The Nymph and the Angel

There was once two friends
inseperable, they were called.
One was a Nymph, the other, an Angel of the night.

The Angel had hurt the Nymph, and she had hurt the Angel
they became distant, no longer close.

One day they decided to change that.

The Nymph said "I'm sorry"
The Angel did too.
They began forging their friendship anew.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My friend the nymph and I have been talking a lot lately, trying to figure out how our friendship went wrong, and just remembering what we had. Its made me reminiscent.

We've come to terms with what we did wrong, how we messed up.  We've put it behind us, and begun forging a new friendship.  We are both dealing with a lot of hardships in our personal lives, be it issues with our respective significant others, our friends (sometimes lack thereof) and financially, but we are helping each other get through it, slowly but surely.

There are few people left in my life that I would dare to call a True Friend, but this person is definitely one of them.