Halloween

looking through the pics some of my friends have taken of their Halloween costumes is making me sad. I have all these really great ideas for a costume, but am unable to act upon them for a multitude of reasons

1) no money

2) no friends in the area to party with

3) girlfriend doesn't seem to like Halloween much

4) no money

*sigh* why does my favorite holiday have to be like this? and why does the girlfriend's favorite holiday have to be the expensive one? (Christmas)

*goes and pouts a little*

I'll just drink by myself... while wearing my mask.

Book Writing

So I got a package from the family the other day (huge shocker, that). I had sent my MacBook home with them when they came to visit over Labor Day so that they could pull all of my info off of my hard drive. The main things I wanted off of it were my vast (well, not so vast) music collection, my pictures, and (most importantly) my documents. The only thing that was on this disk was the documents, but that is alright. The reason I wanted them is because I was working on a book before my Mac died on me, and I want to finish it so I can try to market it and sell it. Well, I got the files and as soon as I get the spare time (probably will be on my days off) I will be working on my writing of my book. Here's to hoping I can pull it off :)

Randomness Perfected

So. I haven't updated in a while, but I'm going to remedy that now. With this post. This one, right here.

Last weekend was my birthday, and it sucked. It made me realize how important I am (or lack thereof) to most of my friends. My family all wished me a happy birthday, and a couple of my friends did (the ones that have known me forever) but the ones that I most thought would at least say hi didn't. Then my car took a massive shit on me, and to fully repair it I would have to buy a new radiator, brakes, battery and tires, totaling over $350, which I don't have. Ever.

So, to try and make myself feel better, I went and spent some money I shouldn't have and bought myself a new shirt, and the new Five Finger Death Punch album. Best $25 I've ever spent. The new album is quickly becoming my all time favorite, I can't stop listening to it on repeat over and over.

Then, yesterday I got to play video games with one of my dearest friends, and it was a freaking blast. I only wish we could have been in the same room playing rather than having to play using SKYPE to talk to each other.

I also found out yesterday that I got 230 points out of a possible 250 on my paper about Video Game Benefits. I'm pretty damn proud of that.

Other than that, its damn cold outside, and I hate it. I love fall, and am okay with winter, but I hate cold weather oh so very much. It makes me wish I was hanging out with friends around a nice fire drinking some hot tea/coco/some other warm tasty drink.

I miss my friends.

Update

So, its time for an update.

My life is hectic as hell right now, I have probably about 10 different projects all due for various classes around the same time next week.

My 21st birthday is next week.

GF is flirting with her ex again, despite my protests, and she is also being rude by getting me riled up before bed, then saying "forget this" and going to sleep.

TMI? I dont give a fuck anymore. All I want is to be respected, is that too much to ask?

If it weren't for two of my very dear friends, I probably would have gone completely batshit insane recently. That is the reason I text the two of them so much, they help to keep me sane when life is being evil to me.

But enough about my bitching. I'm actually pretty excited about my research paper I'm writing. Its supposed to be 6-8 pages, but I'm sitting at 4 pages and I've only used 4 of my 12 sources. Yeah, I'm a freak like that.

Nostalgia

it sucks when simple little things like a song, or a smell, send you into a wave of nostalgia of times past. times when you were happier, or with friends, or something of the sort.

lately its been happening a lot to me. various songs I associate with different people, different scents I've connected with something that happened a few years ago, tastes that belong to a fond memory.

For example. I heard shinedown's "45" today in the car, and it reminded me of the first time I heard it, hanging out with Nymph (wow... I haven't used that name in forever). I believe we were either in her dorm room watching tv or driving to the graveyard, not sure which. but that was a time when I was actually happy. I had plenty of friends, I loved my classes, I loved my town. I don't have any of that now.

which brings me to another point. Home. Home is often said to be where the heart is... well, if thats true, then my home isn't where I'm at now. Don't get me wrong, I like it here, but its not my home. I don't feel like I actually belong here. I don't feel like I belong in my hometown either. Everyone there has kind of written me off as non-existent nowadays. No, my home is in Des Moines, with my friends, the classes and teachers I enjoyed having, where I wasn't tempted to skip class every day like I am here.

If I could go back to Des Moines and write this past year and a half off, I would. But its just not possible.

One last thought. I realized that, for the above reason of where I'm at now not feeling like home, if the GF and I ever break up (I pray to God that we don't) I will be up shit creek with out a paddle. I will have no roof over my head, as all the utilities are in her name, and I have no friends here to put me up. I will not go back to dorm life, that portion of my life was mostly hell thanks to my shitty roommate that I had. I just... yeah... I'd be screwed.

Fights

Its amazing how sometimes, the biggest fights can start over the littlest, or even the stupidest things. Its also amazing how sometimes, these fights can drive close friends apart. That happened to me a little over a year ago. I don't even remember what the fight was about, only that it had been building up due to a lot of little things for a while, and when it finally exploded, things were said that shouldn't have been, and people ended up getting hurt badly.

You know whats still more amazing than that? Sometimes, those big fights can bring people closer together.

The friend who I got into the above mentioned fight with and I have made our amends and have been talking a lot lately. God knows I've been needing a friend to just talk to lately. Well, this friend and I are now almost as close as we were before the fight, if not a little closer. Thats how it seems to me anyway.

Now I just need to work on my teleportation spells so I can go see said friend.

Memories

The memories of love

The memories of pain

and all the memories of hatred and deceit.

Nothing stops me from remembering

on these cold, lonely nights

of the times we used to share

in the glowing moonlight.

We would stay up all night

talking the hours away

til the sun started to show

then we would scurry away.

You've been missed, oh friend of mine

I'm so glad we've been reunited at last.

We've shared joys and sorrows

and pains and prides

now nothing can hide

my un-hindered cry.

We've spend late nights just walking the streets

enjoying each others company,

and smiling when eyes meet.

But now we are separated

this friendship we had

crumbled to nothing

and is now gone in the wind.

The nights are no more,

the joy is all gone

I miss you so much,

I just can't go on.

One little message is all I receive

and it puts a smile on this weary face

bright enough to light the darkest space.

I miss you my friend,

I hope to see you soon

And begin making memories again.